Folks... it was a great year. I really began to live each day to the fullest this last year, I mean it wasn't without it's own trials and growth spurts, but it was amazing. I enjoyed my job, my church, my community and then I also was able to see both of my best friends a few times, travel on ministry trips, see my family, take a short vacation to California and have a host of memorable experiences with my incredible roommate (who just got engaged!).

I also got this tattoo last year.... it is Hope over  an Olive Branch (promise) or the Hope of His Promises for me.  I can't say that I have seen the fullfillment of all of those promises yet... but I honestly believe that 2013 is a year of promises and desires fulfilled. 

Last week we had a day where the sun was out and while it was still cold in January, it was nice enough to go on a hike... so I did. While I hiked I did what I enjoy doing most when running or hiking, I listened to a podcast. In this podcast, I heard Eric Johnson talk about 5 things we need for 2013 and one of them was TRUST.  I trust my really amazing Father to give me better gifts than I could ever imagine.

I believe that He will take my desires and up me in the fullfillment of them.

Is that crazy?

Is that naive?

No... that is child like faith.  Something that I had an abundance of as a child and is now being rebirthed.

Let me explain...

When I was a little girl, I read this book and when Christmas came around I asked Santa for a Horse. The way my family did Christmas was that "Santa" left our presents unwrapped by the tree and up until this point I had always gotten everything I had ever wanted... and MORE. So, when I decided that I wanted a pony I just decided to tell "Santa" about it and fully expected the horse to be standing in my living room by the tree on Christmas morning.  For most kids the end to this story would probably be that the horse was not there and they never did get a horse, but my story is different. Of course, the horse was not in my living room on Christmas morning, but we did go that afternoon to meet my horse at a stable. Yep... my childlike faith was reinforced. If I ask something of my dad, I will get it. So, while I was a kid who did get most everything she ever asked for and to some that might seem like I was spoiled, I have realized that my parents did me a great service in one way. They helped me believe a biblical truth...they were building my faith in God, I bet without even knowing it.

John 14:14 says, "You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it."

A few years later I was with my family in Houston and my dad took me fishing for the first time. We were fishing in Lake Houston and it was stocked with Catfish. There were so many fish that you could see them swimming around.  So the first time I put the stinky bait on my hook and cast my line I fully expected the fish to jump on my line.  Guess what?  That didn't happen.

Instead of giving up, in my childlike faith, I prayed and asked God to help me catch some fish. And before I realized it, I did. So, I thanked God and asked for MORE... and then I caught another...and another...and another... and... I caught more than tweleve fish that afternoon!

John 14:14 says, "You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it."

These may seem like small childish examples, but I realize that they built my foundation of faith. I can trust my Heavenly father to provide me with GOOD things because He is a GOOD Father! They don't have to just be things I NEED, because He provides not according to need, but according to His desire to lavish me with HIS love.

He does it just because....just because He said He would.

Seriously... did I need a horse?

No.

Did I need tweleve catfish?

No.

All of this tells me that I can TRUST him with my HOPES because he is TRUSTWORTHY. My Father loves me and no matter what the timing. Even if it isn't there on Christmas morning just like I thought it would be... or if I have to try a second or third time....I KNOW that His intentions are good toward me and HIS word is true.

John 14:14 says, "You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it."

Sooo, my word for 2013....

is TRUST.

According to the commonly understood definition, a steward is "someone who manages the property, finances or other affairs of another." I want to focus on the "other affiars part" and talk of a few areas that I have been challenged lately to be a good steward....

Favor

I have listened to a few teachings lately on favor.  I realize that I am experiencing a season of great favor in several areas, but there is one that I am so overwhelmed by and have never really seen or understood as favor until now.  This is in the area of  friendships.  I have a friend here in TN that told me that they think I "excel" at making friends. I honestly have always thought that it was an experience that was common, but have found recently that I might be in the minority of people. Not only do I have some very amazing, very close, very old friendships (about 18 years at this point), but I also seem to connect with many people quickly and find new friends whereever I go.  When I was younger I had the goal to have 1 millions friends.... as I grew I began to understand that friendships had to be maintained and I would be unable to maintain that many real (not Facebook) friends.  I do however have friends (close acquiantances) all over the globe so that I would feel fairly comfortable staying with them if I were traveling through their particular town.

Because I have never seen this as a unique gifting, I have missed that this "favor" on friendships could also be for others. That I can actually help others connect to authentic community and make friends, even if I am not one of them. I am still not sure the "how" on this, but I have seen this happen in the last few weeks with a few people I know and it is fun to think that people are getting to be blessed by friendships as much as I am. Truly.

Prophecies

This one is something I have been contemplating for a while. I learned when I was about 21 that if I "earnestly desired" the gift of prophecy I would get it. So, I started my journey with the prophetic... albeit slowly.  A few years later when I lived in Texas, we began to learn more and more about the prophetic and we practiced. It was much like when I was in massage school and got massages everyday from students....some were amazing and some were just okay. :)  The only problem is that I took it for grant it, both the frequent massages and the frequent prophecies.  I realized this year that in order to really see the fullness in my prophetic words I need to steward them, or manage them.  So, I record them, read them, and pray through them.  I can see trends and I have seen an increase in the prophetic in my life and thus I think the two are connected.  To manage or steward these special nuggest of encouragment seems divinely important.

I don't have much of a conclusion except that stewardship seems important...and I hope that I continue to see how I can apply all that I have learned and steward it well.

What do you think?

Now I can't say that I knew then, what God meant by " You will be like Aaron's Hands" but I started to research and pray into it.

I knew that Aaron was Moses' brother and that he often spoke for Moses when leading the Israelites out of Egypt. The funny thing was at the time that I heard this, I was trying to decide whether to literally move to Egypt....but I didn't make a connection (and still don't). I don't think I really knew details about the story in Exodus 17:8-12...

⁸ Then Amalek came and fought against Israel at Rephidim. ⁹ So Moses said to Joshua, “Choose men for us and go out, fight against Amalek. Tomorrow I will station myself on the top of the hill with the staff of God in my hand.” ¹⁰ Joshua did as Moses^[a]told him, ^[b]and fought against Amalek; and Moses, Aaron, and Hur went up to the top of the hill. ¹¹ So it came about when Moses held his hand up, that Israel prevailed, and when he let his hand ^[c]down, Amalek prevailed. ¹² But Moses’ hands were heavy. Then they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it; and Aaron and Hur supported his hands, one on one side and one on the other. Thus his hands were steady until the sun set.

When I found it though, I understood, that I was called to support, to undergird, to encourage and I also felt like it was a promise that it wasn't just me...but there would be a Hur in my life that would do the same thing.

The last 10 years since God told me this have been amazing and yet I think I am just starting to get more of what this all means....and it is exciting.  

I was recently reading in Jeremiah and read a verse where Jeremiah sees  "the rod of an almond tree" and God says that He is watching his word to perform it (or hastening).  I got stuck here and looked up some more information and guess what I found??

Aaron's Rod was an Almond Rod.... and it bloomed to show that God had chosen Aaron and his sons as priests. Almond trees bloom in late winter (January-February) and I have had several words about this being my "season in bloom", which is odd to my left brain because it is FALL and headed into winter.   Very interesting... I can feel it, but I can't yet explain it. It is fun and scary at the same time.  

I love to ponder all the mysteries of the Kingdom and the wonderful way we get to discover more about him, ourselves, and life.  This thing I know, "He who began a good work in me will carry it out until the day of completion" and in the mean time I get to live fully in today while being thankful for yesterday and hoping for tomorrow.

What about you? What does it look like for you to live in this holy tension of time?

I found my old blogs today and was reading about when my dad died and my first month's in Africa...and I found this little gem from January 14, 2007:

"I don't normally remember my dreams, but last night I did. I had a dream that I was talking to my dad. It wasn't a memory or a dream of something that happened in the past. It is hard to explain, but it was so vivid. He told me how proud he was of me and at one point I actually began to pray that God would let him come back, but he stopped me. I asked him if he was happy and he said, "24/7 in the presence of Jesus, now that is happy!". I sure do miss my dad, but I am so thankful for his memory and for this dream. There are so may kids out there who don't have dads...I feel so priveledged to have had one that was so good to me and helped me become the woman that I am today."

I love that I had this dream when I was still mourning the loss of my father. I so honor him. I also am excited that he is in HIS presence....the place I want to be. I can't imagine being with my dad in heaven because it will be too overwhelming.

I was at a wedding the other day and it made me think of all the ways I want to honor both of my dads at my wedding.  Least you get excited.. there isn't one planned, but you know how weddings get you thinking...right? Okay, for us girls it does (help me out here ladies).

Ah... HIS presence. The perfect place to be.

I believe and declare that,

I am a powerful woman able to make good choices.
I am entrusted because HE trusts me.
I will trust my peers and leaders because I trust HIM.
I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power and a sound mind.
I am His Beloved and He loves me.
I will not defend myself because He defends me.

These are my Godly beliefs......

What about you?

What do you believe God says about you?

I have been writing, however. I have been taking notes, journalling and cataloguing my life and all that God has been saying to me directly and through others.

I now am confident that I am entering from this last wideopen space that I have been in since moving back to the US (and particuarly since being in Tennessee) into a time of transition. This time not of the location of my body or the work of my hands....but a transition of my heart.  

The pressure is building. And the momentum is into His Heart.  

I am so Thankful that I know how to hear His voice and that I can recognize His goodness, because this place is definitely not comfortable.  I am thankful for those around me, my mentors, friends, roommate, and bosses because they are showing me grace and loving me through what might be one of the toughest places I have been to date.  I don't say that lightly. I would definitley say that the three weeks before my dad died were the most emotional and difficult weeks of my life....but in that time, I mostly just survived. I made decisions that needed to be made and tried to be with my father, all the while knowing in my heart that he was leaving earth.

Now, I am in a similar spot. Where I am living in today, but I know in my heart that things are changing drastically in the parallel space of heaven.  I can feel and I even sometimes am seeing that there is a lot going on in the heaven around me. I am so thankful that I can dialogue with the Lord and ask about what I am to do during this time. I keep hearing the simple but difficult instructions of : Repent and Rest, Be Quiet and Trust....and then...just Stand.  My personality is one of doing, moving, accomplishing and what are my directions from my heavenly father? How do I make things right in my world? 

Repent- every day my heart decieves me and I look towards other paths.  Meaning I feel something and in order to deal with the feeling many times my first inclination is to talk about it, or avoid it, or fight it....but the Lord says that I am to REPENT. Or TURN BACK to HIM each time I turn (even a quarter of an inch) away from HIS FACE.

Rest- I have learned in the last few weeks that this is not only methaphorical and a spiritual/mental state...but it is literal. I simply need REST. I need sleep and I need to put my heart at PEACE and KNOW that HE IS GOD. Rest is not the absence of action, it is the presence of peace and stillness in the midst of action.

Be Quiet- this has been hard for me. I like to talk and process...and so I have. But today, I went through some heart murmers and I didn't process with people. I was around people most of the day, but I chose to be quiet...and you know what? It worked. My heart found peace and He was all I needed today.

Trust- This is the most amazing word. I am blown away by trust. It is simply more than we could ever imagine, I mean the layers of trust that exist in the world and between this world and the next are crazy. So.. I am to trust... of course GOD, but also, myself and those around me. In the grand scheme of things, I trust God. I trust that He knows me. He knows my heart and His plans are good. But I also need to trust me. Trust that I have done all that I can do, that I do hear His still small voice, and that I am -regardless of how I feel at times- on the right track IN THE RIGHT TIME.

And when I come to the end of my list of actions for the day and I think...

What do I do now? How do I live fully in today and remain expectant of tomorrow?

I hear.... "having done all of this, STAND"....

and so I shall, I stand on the promises of my Father. I stand on what I know...that HE is Good and He has got my heart in His hand.

helps provide meaning to experience and understanding to knowledge; it is a fundamental faculty through which people make sense of the world, and it also plays a key role in the learning process.

When I was 8 years old my family went to Disney World for the first time and my favorite memory is of this dragon, Figment of "my" imagination. He was so fun...he brought color and music and adventure and I remember getting a stuffed on while we where there...so I KNEW he was cudly too.

So,  I was talking to my roommate and a friend after church last night and I was explaining about my newest revelations about imagination and the breakthrough that I have been getting and I thought about this guy...and when I said FIGMENT outloud, my roommate said " Are you thinking about the dragon too?". Such a small thing, but that Michelle and I would think about Figment at the same time, told me that it was a God implanted thought with heavenly purpose.

You see my roommate is just a lovely person, but the number one thing that living with her has taught me is that Childlike-ness is the path to increased intimacy with the Lord.  I have read it in scripture:

³ And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. ⁴ Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 18:3-4

but I am not sure that I really understood what Jesus was saying.  As I have been desiring more of the Kingdom of God, I have begun to spend unparallelled time with not only my Father, but the Lover of my Soul. And so, I have pondered what it means to "change and become like a child"?

It is true that it is a place of complete trust, rest, and confidence in the goodness and Love of my Father...but it is also about being FREE to DREAM. I can only dream if I can imagine and I can only imagine if I am not afraid of what might become of those imaginations.

How important is it to guard our eyes and ears? It is important because they effect our imaginations and this is where we can make sense of the world...or even better...if you add heaven in there- "make sense of the heavenly world". So, God has forgiven me for not taking better care of my eyes and ears over the years... and has been healing my "mind's eye" so that  I can be FREE to experience heaven.

I am not sure who said it, but I love this quote-  "I am a SPIRIT and I LIVE in a BODY".

So why wouldn't I LIVE in Heaven and VISIT earth? I think that is what it really means to live a Supernatural Life and I am ready for far more.

When I was having a SOZO last week....I saw myself in a familiar memory and I was with my dad at the age of 10. In this memory he was trying to help me with my homework. He wasn't able to and I was disappointed. I saw myself decide then that my dad could no longer help me with decisions and I thought I had to take over control of my life. I have had ministry in this area before, but this time particular focus was on my outfit. I was wearing a shorts outfit that matched and on the shirt was a unicorn.  The unicorn was highlighted to me and when I asked Jesus about it all....he told me that I had "exchanged my Imagination for Worry"....I repented, forgave, and broke agreement with that and took back the imagination.

I can't explain it but something broke inside of me and a deeper level of healing and trust was released.  I am even more excited as I learn more and more about the significance of unicorns and with this most recent memory of FIGMENT....

I guess I am just walking out scripture and am "changing and becoming like a child" and i am both excited, expectant...and a litle uncertain (to be honest).

Here is to deeper levels of intimacy and heavenly living for me and for all who desire it!

MORE LORD!

Some people have told me that I am too concerned with age. I don't think it is a bad thing to use age as a reference point to help process life, as long as you don't determine that certain things are possible or impossible based on it.

Let's just get it out there... I am 36. So, if you are a man who met me at a church, or on my travels, or are a friend of a friend and are stalking me because I am so amazing, I don't want you to have to dig or do "higher math" to figure it out. I am not lying...seriously, I am 36.  Even as I type it, I can't believe it. I shake my head because I look at that number and I think...wow- in so many ways I don't feel much older than 26. Well, until I go on a 4.5 mile hike and am stiff and sore for two days....or I watch my younger friends and think....I definitely think differently.

I heard someone say recently that you don't really know who you are or what your destiny fully is until you are in your 40's. He was in his 50's.  I will attest to the fact that I am just now starting to GET what I was put on this earth for....and some of it is still "not yet"... the difference between now and my twenties is that now I am ENJOYING life and not trying to FAST FORWARD it.

For example, I am the administrator of a school. I don't want to be the administrator of a school for the rest of my life, but I am enjoying it right now.   I want to counsel, mentor, teach, encourage, prophesy and give other people great ideas to implement. I want to WRITE. Oh...and I always want to be a clown...and a wife...and a mom. Not that being a wife and a mom is like being a clown...but I digress.

My point is that I am growing and learning and most importantly LIVING right now. I love the question- "How are things going?" because for the first time I feel like my answer is... GREAT. I mean, I even hit a deer the other day and had a minor melt down, but God is sooo teaching me that HE has this. He is my husband right now and he is going to help me fix this car. I don't have to worry about it. Since I accepted that...I have received $240 and a tip on a mechanic... good start I would say.

I am also growing in my ability to lead others. I see them. I hear them. I love them and for the first time, I am not afraid that they are going to "ruin" the Jenga puzzle of my life. Let me explain- I think that most of my life I was building this puzzle  (have you played Jenga?) and everything was connected. The part that was scary was that when people came into my life and I was "responsible" for them and their actions affected me....I felt like at any moment they were going to pull out the WRONG piece or just slightly move wrong and everything would come tumbling down. So, I would tense up when they made a mistake and then sometimes just fly of the handle or shame them....in a word- CONTROL. Sad, I know. But let's be honest, isn't that why leaders often deal with CONTROL?  I heard Danny Silk say one time that, when you hurt or scare me, I want to CONTROL you...because I just want you to STOP what you are doing that hurts or scares me. Now that I not only see this, but am also not being led this way (for most of my life I have felt like my leaders have treated me the very same way), I am changing and finding healing. God is so good and I am so amazed at the daily opportunities and change.

I am excited for 2012.....so excited in fact that I think I need to spend some time journalling about it and writing about it here... 

"The western church has lagged behind experiencing the power of the Kingdom of God compared to other parts of the world, primarily because we have accepted a worldview called naturalism. We have a tendancy to believe that the natural world really is all there is, that God heals only through medicine, that spirits are multiple personality problems and things like that. "

I had to listen to this multiple times because there was an immediate, "ah ha" in my spirit. I knew that he is right....not just for the "western church" but for people like me.  I finally understand what I have been fighting since first being taught that Father God is a good Father who wants to HEAL everyone...all the Time. It wasn't that I disbelieved...it was that this new "information" was laid on a faulty foundational belief that was not only ingrained in me, but a very real part of my culture.

I had to know more about Naturalism....

 **********************************************

Religion

a. the doctrine that all religious truth is derived from astudy of natural  processes and not from revelation.

b.  the doctrine that natural religion  is sufficient for salvation.

***********************************************

It seems like the philosophy of Naturalism is completely at odds with the basic tenets of Christianity. That to believe in naturalism, I can believe in a nice historic carpenter named Jesus, but not in the Son of God. I can't even believe in God really because He is clearly super (above) natural. So, how can a person both believe in God and Jesus (the cross, salvation) and still believe that all things can be explained by science or what is seen or natural??

Isn't that what we say when we say we believe that Christ died on the Cross, but we don't believe He wants to/can heal? What about phenomena? 

I need God to root out naturalism from me. I have come to know and believe that God is SUPERNATURAL and that I am called to live a SUPER (ABOVE) NATURAL Life.... complete with supernatural love and power to see that Love impact ME and the WORLD around me.

"Father, would you change my foundational beliefs...the routes in my brain that are stuck in Naturalism?"

This prayer is is why I am pursuing steping out and taking risk even when I still have unbelief, because it isn't that I don't BELIEVE the truth, it is that it needs to sink down and strangle the foundation that says "only what I see and can measure is real".... 

This realization brings so much freedom and it seems so much more managable to say that I have been raised in a culture that has taught me to believe only in the natural world....and now I am stepping into the supernatural and I need help with that shift...I am not faulty or in sin...I just need my worldview revamped.

WOW! Jesus can do that...change my world..

it's His speciality.

What about you, what do you want?